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Saturday, June 26, 2010

Teaser from my Book: Feed back needed :D

(my crappy cover design lol)
Hey all I want to get your opinions on my story so here is the first chapter of my Story called:
The Brother's Montague: Falias

- it's the story of four bothers who were torn apart by greed. In this chapter you get to meet the eldest brother, Donnagan.

- please give feed back, I would really apreciate it.

Chapter One
Donnagan came to a stop in front of a large door that was as red as flames and that stood out like a beacon against the pure white walls that surrounded its frame. It was a tall door rather large for the woman that resided behind its hinges. Donnagan ran his hand through his black hair that stood out against the stark whiteness of his surroundings, his movements calculated almost robotic in style. He moved with a sense of purpose almost like his body wasn’t attached to his mind. Donnagan was feared. Feared for what he had no control over.
The captive in Donnagan’s arms moved for the first time since Donnagan had captured him. Donnagan set him down. The human swayed on the spot slowly taking the hood off his head.
“Where am I?” the human asked fear evident in his voice.
“No where you need to know,” was all Donnagan said turning the human back towards the door.
The boy, he had abducted, was in his mid to late teen years and a very nice looking human, even for Donnagan’s taste. He was almost as tall as Donnagan with white blonde hair, almond brown eyes, and pouty lips.
There was no point in delaying the inevitable any longer. Donnagan pushed open the red doors and stepped inside.
“My, what took you so long?”
She was lying on her bed clearly naked under the white silk blanket. Her red hair was vibrant against the white of her skin and the white of the bed beneath her. Her lips were a rosy red, her breast formed small lumps under the silk like two rolling hills standing over a field of ice. Fiona had the demeanor of an ancient goddess. A woman who knew she was beautiful, one that knew just how to hold her body in a way that made most males want to fall at her feet.
She eyed Donnagan and beckoned him to come forward. Her eyes followed him and then feel on the male human body she had coveted and now would make hers.
“He is beautiful isn’t he,” Fiona sat up in the bed.
Donnagan looked away as the blanket feel off her milky white chest. Donnagan knew all too well what those breasts felt like; he had touched them so many times, they where soft and plump and felt good in his hand, and Donnagan hated that. Though Donnagan hated her with every fiber of his being he had to admit that the Northern Queen was a very beautiful woman.
“Get him ready for me Donny undress him for me,” Fiona whispered seductively.
Her eyes where gleaming with lust as she watched her favorite toy work.
Donnagan started with the boy’s shirt slowly pulling it up over the boy’s head.
“Hey man what gives?”
The human was fighting him but his movements where futile against Donnagan.
The boy’s pants where next. Donnagan pulled them off slowly taking his time just like Fiona wanted. He had done this same routine for her so many times during his captivity that he had learned to tune the situation out all together. The human had gone limp. Donnagan assumed that it was a defense mechanism for them. They must think that if they stayed still nothing would happen to them. The idea almost made Donnagan laugh.
Fiona crawled to the edge of her bed. She was lying on her stomach her feet in the air her hands under her tilted head. Her eyes where alive and filled with lust as she watched Donnagan remove the boy’s boxers; wrapping his hands around the boy’s man hood.
“You play sport am I correct human?” she asked.
“Yes,” The boy gasped and he bucked his hips into Donnagan’s hands.
“What is the name of this sport you play it sounds just fascinating?”
She was playing with him, making him feel comfortable, and then like a spider to a fly she would strike.
“Foot ball,” the boy gasped.
The boy had his head on Donnagan’s shoulder, his face was flushed, his eyes glazed over with lust.
“He seems ready. Lay him on the bed,”
Donnagan obeyed his Queen. Picking up the boy and laying him on the bed.
“Now test him for me. I want to see you kiss him Donnagan, make sure he’s good enough for me,” Fiona watched as Donnagan lowered his lips to the boys.
“A good kisser isn’t he Evan?” Fiona ran a finger over Evan’s cheek.
Donnagan winced.
Evan moaned in response and bucked his hips up into Donnagan’s. Donnagan could feel his body betraying his mind, his heart as he felt pleasure rolling over his body.
Let me leave please, just let me leave.
“Let me see,” Fiona said and Donnagan lifted his face, his lips swollen.
Fiona bent over the human and examined the boy’s swollen lips tracing them with her long red nails.
“Perfect, you may go now,”
She bent over the boy to kiss Donnagan on the lips.
“Yes my Queen,”
Donnagan stood and walked back outside of the room. Closing the red doors behind him he fell against the doors letting his body slide to the floor, his head in his hands. Some times Donnagan envied the humans that came into Falias, they had a quick and painless ending to their momentary sufferings, that Donnagan would never be given.
He had not been born into Falias but into Bryn, a no man’s land between the four kingdoms, with his mother Liana and his brothers: Aiden, Arian Apollo and Dimitri. They had been a happy family living up on their secluded mountain top with no worries of the warring queens, until tragedy struck.
The day the queens arrived had been a beautiful morning. The sun was high in the sky, the birds where chirping away in the distance; the rivers that ran throughout the clearing of their home were loud with the splashing of small Fay children. Donnagan had been playing by his black horse, Aithon, when he noticed his mother talking to what he believed to be the most beautiful woman, besides his mother, he’d ever seen.
His twin, Aiden, a slightly shorter red haired blue eyed version of his one minute older brother, was playing with the mud that had collected next to the flowing stream and was molding it in his tiny hands, when he too noticed the four women.
“Who are they?”
He had stopped making his muddy pieces of art and was staring intently at the four women.
“No idea but Mama seems to like them,” Donnagan said as his mother hugged the woman in white.
Their mother gave a stifled gasp and fell to her knees, in front of the four beautiful women, her arms out stretched before her like she was begging. The woman in white merrily smiled and turned to look at Donnagan. A weird feeling come over Donnagan’s body: a feeling of pure bliss. Her elegant and sweet voice was speaking to Donnagan with such emotion and silky elegance that he looked up and met the white woman’s icy gaze.
“Come to me Donnagan, become mine own,”
Aithon neighed loudly and started to kick the dirt with his hooves, his nostrils flared, and he shook his large head back in forth in great agitation.
Donnagan didn’t realizing he had moved until he was mere inches from the woman. The woman bent down to the young boy’s level and she smiled and ran a hand over his cheek. Her hands felt like the first winters snow; cold and inviting like a lily pod floating down the stream of hope. She ran her soft but powerful hands over his white shirt and shards of her cold pierced his skin making him shiver. He looked up into her beautiful face and saw that it had changed drastically. Now her sweat smile was up turned in an evil smirk. Her eyes filled with the type of glee only someone purely evil could have.
She stood suddenly and whipped out a long silver staff pointing it at Donnagan.
“Bind his body, bind his life, to my soul forever to be my own,” her voice was like her body beautiful yet evil. Donnagan convulsed with pain as coldness, he could not explain to himself, filled his small body like a festering winter storm.
The white woman continued to speak.
“Let him grow, let him age, father of time age this child to a man that is of age,”
Wind and ice swirled around Donnagan encasing him in a tight cocoon that lifted him up into the air; cradling him in its cold embrace. He couldn’t see the world around him but he could hear his brother’s screams of terror below him and he could feel the pain. His very bones where breaking inside of his body as they grew and were misshapen. The spell molding his body, elongating it, and Donnagan could feel his mind grow and age- knowledge he didn’t understand filling his mind. The pain suddenly stopped and he was turned up right and lowered down onto the ground.
Donnagan opened his eyes.
The world was lower than he remembered and the white woman was standing before him her slight hand on her hip.
The White Queen walked around Donnagan. She examined his now strong arms and chest, he was a man now – no longer a child.
“Oh sisters isn’t he just a darling,” Fiona ran her nails along his chest for he was naked, his old clothing so small that had torn away from his body during the change.
Her sisters merely nodded.
“What have you done to me,” Donnagan gasped his voice was deep so unlike his own. He could hear his mother sob next to him.
“I have taken what is mine; you belong to me, now we must be going. I have things to which I need to attend,” the queen winked down at the sobbing woman at her feet.
“My horse,” Donnagan murmured.
“My horse, can I please keep my horse?” Donnagan begged.
The queen looked out into the field where the black horse was staring her down, its nostrils flaring and his leg kicking up dirt.
“Call him over,” she said.
A small sense of happiness filled Donnagan.
“Aithon here boy,” Donnagan called.
The horse hesitated but came none the less to stand at Donnagan’s side.
“Let’s go home,” The queen held out her hand for Donnagan to help her onto Aithon’s back.
“I am home,” Donnagan whispered.
The queen raised her hand and struck him hard across the face.
Aiden screamed.
“Mommy do something, stop them,” Aiden yelled.
Donnagan almost sighed in relief when he heard his brother’s small child like voice. His hopes where thwarted when another queen, this one was like summer, tightened her grip on Aiden head who interned whimpered.
“This is no longer your home, I forbid you from ever speaking to your brothers.” The queen smiled wickedly and squeezed Donnagan’s cheeks together. “Understand?”
Donnagan nodded, his voice was gone.
“For sakes at least clothe him” Liana cried out.
Donnagan wanted nothing more than to hold his mother one last time and seeing her like this was more than he could bear.
The queen clapped her hands and a white shirt and grey pant covered Donnagan’s naked body. “There he’s clothed, now lead me home,”
That had been the start of Donnagan’s own personal hell. The years between then and the present seemed like an eternity. He couldn’t even remember what his mother looked like, though he could remember the sound of her voice and that she always smelled of lavender. Donnagan doubted if he would even recognize his brothers after so many years.
Donnagan sighed, stood, and started walking towards the only place in Falias he felt save, the stables. Where his beloved horse, the very same horse that had had all those years ago, Aithon would be waiting for him.
“Hey boy,” he said when he walked inside Aithon’s stall.
He ran his hands over the horse’s strong black neck, savoring his moments with Aithon that wasn’t evolving him stealing a human for Fiona. Donnagan felt his hands start to shake against Aithon’s silk like fur and then his knees gave out. He fell to the ground, a scream of devastation on his lips, and in that moment he felt the same fear, loneliness, and loss that he had felt on the day that everything was stolen from him.

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